So you want to become a televangelist huh?

It’s easy. Just follow my 3 easy steps and you’ll be on your way to making mo’ money, mo’ money, mo’ money!

1. Decide on an international ministry name.

Example: J.A. Scott Worldwide International Ministries.

Here’s some tips: Always use your initials and your last name. It makes you look smart.

“Worldwide” and “International” are redundant, but they create the appearance that you are huge. You’re not only on their television set in Lincoln, Nebraska, but you’re in Mongolia too.

Notice, the plural “Ministries.” The viewer assumes that you have many ministries, not just what they’re seeing on tv.

2. Publish a book.

Go to www.getyobookpublished.com and for a low fee of $39.95, you can get a 100 page book published with a picture of you on the cover.

This is very important. Being an author gives you mad credibility.

Make sure you promote your book on your show every 5 minutes. This leads to mo’ money, mo’ money, mo’ money.

3. Record your show.

The last step is to find a buddy of yours that works at a church. Have him let you in the auditorium when they are not using it. Borrow a video camera and tripod and you’re in business. You don’t even have to have people there. The viewers will never know the difference.

Just make sure you get really excited and sweat a lot. Always have a handkerchief that you pull out and wipe your forehead with. And remind the people every now and then that you are a bishop.

What are you supposed to talk about you ask? Easy.

Learn a few big words and use them a lot. Like propitiation.

Example: “Jesus is the propitiation for our sins.”

All you need is that and a few scriptures and your ready to make mo’ money, mo’ money, mo’ money.

You’re on your way to becoming the next televangelist.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 24th, 2005 at 3:23 pm and is filed under Humor, The Church. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.