What has stolen all of our “hits?” Why will NSync probably sit at the top of the record for fastest-selling album of all eternity? And why will Justin Timberlake never be as big as his former band?

(Gasp! ) “I don’t know. Quick! Tell me!”

Pirates.

“Pirates?”

Yep. Pirates.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed…. (shhhh)… but pirates are everywhere.

Johnny Depp has romanticized the role of a pirate to every little boy in America… and to a lot of middle-aged women. Darryl Hannah wears her pirate-esque eyepatch in Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill. Remember Super Bowl XXXVII? Do you remember who played? The Buccaneers and the Raiders; 2 pirates in the ultimate battle for good. There is even a national “talk like a pirate day.” I’m not kidding. It’s September 19th. The day you end all your sentences with “Argggghhh…”

Being a pirate is trendy. Watch how many pirate costumes you see at Halloween. It’s cool to be a pirate, or fantasize about pirates or shadow sword fight in the break room at work. People understand. You just wish you could be a pirate. Sail the open seas, experience freedom, plunder small towns. Life would be good.

I know a lot of pirates. And the music industry is loosing mass market share every year because of the pirates I know (some 10 million of them). Because when push comes to shove, file sharing is… well… pirating.

Some may disagree.

“File sharing is a complex issue.”

File sharing is not a complex issue. If you can pull Justin’s new SexyBack off the internet and you aren’t paying anyone for the song, neither do you own the copyright to that song, you are a pirate. You got something for nothing and where I come from that doesn’t make you a very nice person.

I’m not necessarily saying you shouldn’t be a pirate or even that I haven’t moonlighted as a pirate or even that I care if the music industry ultimately collapses. I just think we need to wake up in the morning and look at ourselves in the mirror and say, “I’m a pirate. Argggghhh.”

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 25th, 2006 at 10:27 am and is filed under Culture, Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.